Just Give Me A Reason
by Marina Lenore
Summary: SessKag. A year after the defeat of Naraku, Kagome has an encounter that changes her world, and leads her back to the one person she knows she can trust above all else. This is a journey to love. Complete one shot.


Kagome fought an exhausted and frustrated scream as she ran through the forest, dodging and weaving through the trees with a practised ease, using her miko-ki to speed up her footsteps; to give her more strength, speed, and energy than was humanly possible. She smelled water in the air and veered toward it, reaching a river and running through it long enough to confuse her scent before scrambling to the other bank, following the insistent tugging that was a result of her own insistent seeking.

'_Please let him still be wearing it. Kami, please._'

"It" was a talisman, one of several that had been fashioned for their entire group shortly after reaching an alliance with Sesshomaru-sama. He had insisted that they have a way to keep track of one another should they get split up, and everyone (except her current pursuer, of course; InuYasha almost never agreed to anything Sesshomaru said.) had agreed that it was a sensible idea.

Of course, with Naraku dead and the group split their own ways, her other friends and InuYasha had promptly stopped wearing the talismans. Truthfully Kagome didn't even know if InuYasha had kept his at all, although she knew that Sango, Miroku, and Kouga still had theirs; kept safe in case they were ever needed again. Kagome had been unwilling to part with hers in any way, however – there were too many precious and crazy memories attached to the simple leather and wood adornment, memories that she never wanted to let fade. Not even her brief time inside of Naraku was worth losing. They were too important to forget.

The tugging was less insistent now, less immensely overpowering, and Kagome risked a glance behind her – she couldn't see _**him**_, thankfully, but she knew he couldn't be far behind her, she'd never been able to outrun him for such a distance before and suspected that desperation alone kept her ahead of the hanyou – before calling out.

"Sesshomaru-sama!"

The tugging moved, and she cried out in relief as she neared a rather nice camp, with a roaring fire and plush sleeping furs, gutted fish cooking on sticks over the flames. She saw Rin and Jaken sleeping and suddenly realised that for the past hour the forest had been growing dark around her, completely without her noticing it. As she reached the camp she nearly collapsed, only the quick movement of her once-ally keeping her from falling to the ground now that the urgency moving her had abated.

"Thank Kami. Sesshomaru-sama, please, I know the battle's over and I know you probably have better things to do but I need your help! InuYasha has lost it and he wont stop chasing me. I've been running for a day and a half now, he just wont stop and I'm scared and I need your help!"

The words tumbled out in a rush, leaving Kagome shaking as she remembered the visage of her old friend, his eyes glowing red with fury. "He's let the youkai blood take over."

Sesshomaru stared at her for one long, eternal moment, his face unreadable but for a flicker of worry in his eyes at her last comment. Then he was all business, bundling her up in a thick blanket near the fire, offering her a cup of water and one of the cooking fish. Once she was settled down and eating, he spoke.

"Why is he after you, Kagome?"

The voice was calm and collected, as per usual. Before answering, blue eyes looked down at the wooden cup in her hands, then back at the fire, sorrow overcoming her features. "I turned him down."

Her words came out in a rush once more, falling from her lips hurriedly, as if she were afraid she would get no other chance to say them; as if, now that she had started, she couldn't risk stopping the flow.

"Don't get me wrong, I love InuYasha, but I have known for years that all he sees when he looks at me is Kikyo, all he sees are often painful memories and this perfect vision that I cannot possibly live up to. I decided well before our final battle with Naraku, really even before the alliance, that things between us were not meant to be, and have been content with that. Part of me thinks maybe I never really loved him _that way_, if I'm honest. So what else was I supposed to do when he asked me to mate with him? It's been almost a year since we defeated Naraku, we've managed to be good friends, and I thought he had just moved on, like I did. Apparently I was wrong."

Black as night hair fell into her face as she rubbed her eyes, looking over at Sesshomaru, who was standing there stoically, absorbing her words and looking (almost) like he had no cares in the world. Anyone else would be unable to notice the slight hint of surprise in his posture and eyes, would miss the almost-sound of his calculating thoughts turning around in his mind. Kagome was not just anyone else, however, and she had become a **master** at reading Sesshomaru during their time together.

"Besides, there's someone else I'm interested in."

The words hung in the air, which was suddenly thick with tension as she boldly looked the person she had come to for rescue in the eyes. The friendship between the two had been unspoken, but _there_, and she had never hidden her emotions with him, never tried to hide that the friendship between them might be becoming more, to her. She also had never said anything out loud, not out of fear of rejection, but out of respect for him. Sesshomaru would likely never lower himself to mate with a human, and she valued her potentially fragile friendship with him too much to threaten it with a suggestion that he might make an exception.

But InuYasha knew, and so Sesshomaru had to know if he was going to get into things with her.

"He knows that there's someone else. I told him, and that's what set him off. I don't know if he knows who it is yet but he'll probably connect the dots when he sees who I ran to, if he's conscious enough to do so."

She chuckled wryly at that, leaning her head back to look up at the starry night sky. "With that blood taken over it won't likely be for any other reason than his usual irrational jealousy towards any male I happen to spend time with, of course. But once he starts thinking again, he'll figure it out fast and it might set him off again."

A soft sigh escaped her mouth. "Anyway, you're the only person I trust enough to protect me from him, there's no way he could ever beat you and I know you can incapacitate him without killing him. I'm too scared to use my powers on him, he may be a jerk and an idiot but I don't want to kill him, and he's scaring me enough that my control is damn shaky. He was my first friend in this era, he's protected me and saved my life so much, especially at the beginning. I won't repay him by killing him just because he's selfish and jealous and stupid sometimes."

The silver haired youkai simply lifted an eyebrow at that, the gesture speaking volumes. To him it was probably a completely reasonable thing to do, removing a life from this earth for being unpleasant in several ways. But Kagome knew that if she didn't want him killing his half-brother, he would avoid it. He was much more competent than the inu hanyou, and had significantly more control over Bakusaiga than InuYasha had over Tessaiga. InuYasha relied on brute force and anger, whereas Sesshomaru relied on training and skill and finesse. Watching him fight was as entrancing as watching a complicated dance being pulled off without a single flaw.

She grew silent then, wondering what he would say to her many words. Sesshomaru **wasn't** introverted. He wasn't _shy_. He didn't hate speaking. But he used his words sparingly, putting thought into every one, making his responses concise and straightforward. Unless, of course, the intent was to mislead, and then he was a master at hiding the true meaning of his words and convincing everyone of what he wanted them to believe.

Oddly enough, little chatterbox Kagome appreciated that about him. She enjoyed the long silences, his quiet dignity, the short, simple answers, the way he made every single word seem important.

Her reverie was interrupted by a smooth, silken voice. "I will help, and in return you and your kit will join me in my travels. The mongrel will not be unduly harmed, assuming he can be made to see sense."

The last was said with obvious (to her, anyway) doubt. Once she had determined that he was finished Kagome blinked owlishly, before her face lit up with a bright smile, and most of the tension released from her body, causing her to sway unsteadily despite being seated. "Oh thank you! Of course, we would be honoured to travel with you, Sesshomaru-sama."

He nodded briefly, golden eyes glittering with mostly-concealed satisfaction at this turn of events, and Kagome had to wonder why he would be so satisfied, before a yawn interrupted her thoughts. Suddenly, she was picked up, and laid down onto a plush fur sleeping roll, and firmly commanded to "Get some sleep while you can."

"But-"

"I will awaken you before he gets to camp."

It was her turn to nod silently, and she almost immediately dropped off into memories.

* * *

><p>Everything started with Rin, really. Funny, how one little girl could pull the rug out from under her feet, flip her world upside down, and make her realise that there was much, <em>much<em> more to Lord Sesshomaru than anyone expected. Of course, she didn't mention her sudden change in opinion to anyone, not even Sango or her mother. Just in case, really.

It was the small things, though, that kept her constantly revising her opinion of the once cold-hearted youkai Lord. Like how Sesshomaru managed to bring Rin by to play with Shippo at least every other week. Or the disapproval he surprisingly _openly_ displayed whenever he was around and InuYasha had snuck off to visit Kikyo (rather, "that clay bitch who stinks of death" as he called her; for he, like everyone else but InuYasha, could see that it was not truly Kikyo). Or how he stayed his hand and didn't kill Kohaku even after the boy nearly killed Rin. Or the amazing amount of trust he showed to Kagome when he allowed her to take Rin for baths whenever they visited, not demanding to come along even the first time she suggested it.

Little things like that kept her on her toes, kept drawing her notice towards him, and when he suggested, almost carelessly, that they should ally against Naraku and the children could stay at his castle during the final battle... Well. How could she resist such a tempting offer? It was like dangling fresh meat in front of a starving cat. He had intrigued her, kept pulling her attention towards him, and by then she wanted to know _more_.

She agreed without even bothering to check with her group, and that night when she told them, she was surprised at the eagerness that everyone except InuYasha displayed. It seemed that they had all been noticing these little things as well, and the idea of an alliance with such a strong youkai was a relief to them. Even Shippo hadn't had a problem with not being in the final fight, when Kagome told him that he would be expected to help protect Rin. Their friendship was endearing, and Kagome smelled a romance in the future, but wisely said nothing to anyone about it. If it happened, it happened. If not, then life would go on as usual.

Once the alliance was made official, Kagome promptly took a weekend to visit home and told her mother about Sesshomaru – everything, from the first time they met when he almost killed her, to her constantly revising opinion, to her hope for eventual friendship. The reaction she got was unexpected: excitement. Then again, Kagome had also finally told her mother earlier that day about her decision many months ago to keep things as friends between her and InuYasha, and now that Kagome thought about it her mother had probably (accurately) sensed a crush in the making (or maybe one already existing, if Kagome was honest with herself).

Most importantly, her mother informed her after absorbing it all in, Kagome had another strong protector; even if they had a rocky start together, it meant an even better chance of beating Naraku and ending this senseless war. Kagome couldn't help but agree, feeling a sense of relief knowing that Sesshomaru would be fighting alongside them, rather than getting in their way or staying out of the entire mess.

When she had gone back to the Feudal Era she had been met by everyone chattering madly over the question of the talismans, and once Kagome had decided in favour of them, Sesshomaru had told the entire group that he would begin training Kagome. InuYasha had protested wildly at that before Miroku asked the one question on everyone's minds: **why**? After all, Kagome had gotten along fairly well so far for being a human from the future who had no training in anything but herbalism and the most basic use of her miko abilities.

Sesshomaru calmly and dispassionately pointed out that the majority of her survivals were due to pure luck, that if she got separated from the group she was practically helpless, and brilliantly made a bet with his brother that he could get Kagome to beat the hanyou in a fight within a month. Miroku wanted in on the bet, of course, and when InuYasha heard the terms he just laughed and told his brother that it was impossible, so of course he would take the bet.

Even now, InuYasha probably didn't realise that in accepting the bet he had rashly played into Sesshomaru's hands. Of course, his response had gotten him sat a few times, and made Kagome put all her energy into the new training sessions that happened at dusk every day. Apparently she was a quick study, and Sesshomaru was a shockingly good (if somewhat merciless and relentless) teacher. Sure enough, when she faced off with InuYasha a month later, she beat him. Everyone but Kagome and Sesshomaru were surprised at the outcome, especially because the fight only lasted five minutes.

That incident just proved to Kagome how hopelessly untrained and incompetent InuYasha was compared to Sesshomaru, all brute force and rage, no skill or finesse. It wasn't as if Kagome had been turned into a genius fighter within that short span of time, but she was plenty competent enough to defend herself if needed, and had even gotten taught some tricks about using her powers. Youki and miko-ki were surprisingly a good bit alike and could be wielded similarly. The results of Sesshomaru winning the bet meant that InuYasha had to be completely silent for a full day, Miroku had to pay for their night's lodging, and that Kagome's continued training went without comment from anyone.

It wasn't as if they had anything to complain about – one more person to fight against Naraku could turn the tide, especially since this one more person meant one **less** person that had to be protected on the field. And even more so when Sesshomaru arranged for an acquaintance to give her more training in using her bow, training that included shooting a moving target, shooting a (moving) target while running, and shooting a (moving) target while riding.

Within half a year she was able to wield a sword as well as her arrows, use her body as a weapon infused with purification abilities, and run like the wind itself, even being able to outrun InuYasha for short distances. Her control over her powers increased tenfold and she was able to choose how strong to make them – Kouga quickly learned that pissing her off would get him zapped, a stinging shock running through his body; not strong enough to kill or injure, by any means, but strong enough that he stopped calling her his woman within three very short visits.

The training lessons were what began the formation of a friendship between them. Sesshomaru admired her determination and energy and staunch refusal to give up, and she admired his skill and knowledge. Kagome also appreciated the fact that Sesshomaru had basically single-handedly turned her from a burden into an asset. Sure, she had the ability to detect shards, but if it hadn't been for that she would have been nearly useless to the group, and she had felt at times that even with her position as shard-detector she was just another burden.

Another positive, yet completely unexpected, side-effect of Sesshomaru joining their group was that Kagome's trips home became more frequent and longer.

Sesshomaru noticed early on that Kagome always seemed more rested and at ease when she returned from a trip home, and decided that even if he had to take her himself she _would_ visit her family at least twice a moon cycle (essentially, every other week), for a minimum of three days. Her family, of course, was overjoyed at the new "rules" for her visiting them, and the entire group ended up benefiting from it as she was able to gather supplies more often. Eventually InuYasha stopped complaining about it, when the frequency of his getting sat decreased a noticeable amount after a while, Kagome being generally in a better mood all the time – actually so, and not just faking as she used to do.

All in all, the only things that had happened as a result of joining forces with InuYasha's half-brother were positive things. Well, except for InuYasha's attitude becoming more surly and annoying, but even that stopped after he got used to Sesshomaru being around and not being the "alpha male" any more. Kinda hard to be alpha over someone you can't beat in a fight, and when everyone in the group defers to him over you. Kagome personally thought that InuYasha protested so much to begin with because he knew, or at least suspected, that his brother would take away the alpha position, even if only subconsciously.

Sure, Naraku had run like a scared puppy at first and stayed hidden for several months, but that had just given them time to grow stronger and learn to work as a cohesive group in and out of battle. That had given them the opportunity to gather many more shards, until they nearly had half of the jewel, instead of the paltry few they generally carried around. They managed to actually relax and become more confident without the constant threat of Naraku looming over them like a living shadow.

Surprisingly enough, the lack of even his incarnations didn't make them tense and wary, not with Sesshomaru around. They were too busy with other things to be wondering what Naraku was up to, and Kagome thought that it was highly likely to have been an intentional move on Sesshomaru's part – constantly keeping them busy, or giving them a few days to relax and somehow making sure that while they relaxed, they were left alone to actually **relax**. No getting attacked in the middle of the night, no unwanted visitors interrupting them with a request for aid, no fighting amongst each other, because they were all too relieved to have a proper break.

Kagome found out early on that just because she went to visit her family did _not_ mean that the group took breaks for the entire time she was gone. Now that she was gone somewhat regularly and for longer periods of time Sesshomaru had the group keep on with whatever task they had been at when she left, or was going over battle scenarios and plans, or making further alliances with other powerful youkai. Alliances didn't guarantee or even necessarily suggest another presence at the final battle; usually the alliances meant safer travel, extra supplies, free room and board, or some other such things, which were easily just as valuable to the group and their cause.

The raven-haired miko had mixed feelings about that when she found out, really. On the one hand, the more people that went to the final battle, the easier it would be. On the other, the higher the casualty rate would probably be, and none of these youkai had been fighting Naraku for all these years. It felt to her like she and her group had earned the right to be the ones facing off with Naraku at the final battle, and the more people involved in it, the less their hard work meant. Of course, that was not really logical, but the feeling was still there. It had been even back then.

Sesshomaru had always been included in that group since the whole kidnapping of Rin thing happened, even when he had been (sort of) their enemy. That "sort of" was there mainly because he wasn't Naraku, he wasn't the big bad, he was just InuYasha's older half-brother who wanted the Tessaiga. He never attacked the whole group, preying on their weaknesses and cheating the entire time. He only ever attacked InuYasha, unless someone else got in his way. Yeah, the first time they had met, Kagome had gotten in his way and he had tried to kill her, but she wasn't one to hold grudges over things like that when she could clearly see the other person's point of view and it made sense. If it was logical. And Sesshomaru was almost nothing **but** logical.

That was one thing that annoyed the heck out of InuYasha. Nine times out of ten everyone sided with his half-brother over him because the inu youkai never put forth a suggestion that was senseless or stupid, and most of the time InuYasha only complained and argued because it was Sesshomaru's suggestion. The few times that InuYasha had a real problem that made sense and wasn't based on his petty emotions, the group usually sided with him. Unfortunately for InuYasha's pride, he was incredibly emotional and brash and held grudges way too long, so he almost always tried to shoot down any idea his older brother put forth in the beginning.

It had been a humbling experience for the hanyou and he had grown as a person from it, luckily. If he hadn't, there was a chance that he'd have been kicked out of the group when everyone finally got sick of his shit. However, that never happened. InuYasha grew up instead, and began tolerating his brother and working as a team player. It really was a good thing Kagome had already decided things wouldn't work between them, or she probably would have fallen hard for the maturer him. As it was, they became closer friends, despite her growing attraction to his brother.

It was odd, the difference between Sesshomaru and InuYasha. Sesshomaru never acted as if he resented or even really cared in any way about InuYasha except for that he had their father's other sword, even before the alliance. Whereas from the first time she met Sesshomaru with InuYasha he had harboured an intense dislike of and jealousy towards his older half-brother.

"Kagome."

* * *

><p>As if thinking so much about their relationship had summoned him, she heard Sesshomaru's voice pervade through the fog of memories and dreams of the past, and moaned softly, wrinkling her nose up.<p>

She was waking now, and wryly wondered why it had to be as she was remembering the relationship between InuYasha and Sesshomaru that the damn hanyou began to near their camp. _He's infected me, I even think of InuYasha the same way that Sesshomaru-sama does. Hah. Wow, Kagome._ Bottomless sapphire eyes opened softly as her name fell from her – _what exactly __is__ Sesshomaru to __me,__ anyway? __I__ love him, that much __i__s true, but __we__a__ren't anything but friends really. __I__ suppose friend would have to do then_ – friend's lips once more.

"Kagome, he is a short distance away."

Silver hair fell into her sight as a clawed hand brushed dark strands of hair out of her face, another one offering a cup of water for her to drink. Her mind was too foggy to realise exactly how close the youkai was to her, how gently he was treating her, so she just grabbed the cup and downed it gratefully, speaking with a hoarseness she hadn't noticed before. "Thank you. More, please?"

She was probably severely dehydrated, having hardly stopped to do anything at all during her running spree. Sesshomaru simply nodded, his golden eyes staring at her intently for a moment before he moved to the large barrel next to Ah-Un. She realised then that Sesshomaru had his dragon carry water with them so that even when his group was away from a source they didn't have to worry about a lack of clean water to drink. It was a brilliant move on his part, she thought, as he dipped more water into the large mug and handed it to her again. She drank deeply, sighing and clearing her throat softly when she finished.

"Thank you, Sesshomaru-sama."

"Hn."

Stoic as usual. Somehow it comforted her, and she held the mug loosely in her hands, not for the first time wishing that she had the enhanced senses that her youkai and hanyou friends did. She had learned (through long and _very _difficult training) how to see in the dark, and how to enhance her physical abilities to match that of a high-level youkai, but they had never figured out a way to sharpen her other senses beyond human capability.

She _had_ learned how to smell and taste for poison, rot, and taint as well as she possibly could manage, however. Luckily she had always had a more acute than normal sense of smell and taste, but it was still nowhere near what her hanyou and youkai friends could manage, by any measure, and it probably never would be. She was still human, after all.

The only thing that could change that would be mating a youkai, as she had learned from Kaede. A normal human would simply gain a longer lifespan, but as a miko mating a youkai would change her to become more like a youkai, with enhanced senses and physical abilities matching those of her mate. She wouldn't become a youkai though, or lose her powers. Just become _more_ than human.

Kagome suspected that Kaede knew full well why she had been asking about that in particular, with the knowing looks the older miko had kept shooting her way as she answered her questions to the best of her ability. It wasn't like it mattered though, because really – she didn't have a chance. No matter how great of a miko she was now, how much her abilities were called for by others, she was still a mere human. There was no denying the thrill of hope that had run through her at the knowledge that she could become _more_ than human upon mating, though. It had taken a full month for her to firmly re-convince herself that what **could** happen did not matter. What mattered was what _was_ and she _**was**_ just a human.

"How long did I sleep?"

"Only a short time, but you slept deeply."

Kagome nodded and sighed, stretching a bit where she was seated. Suddenly she recalled what Sesshomaru had required as payment for his help, how he had worded it. "Oh! I apologise, I forgot to thank you for including Shippo in your requirement. Thank you very much. I could always leave him with Kaede, but I'd really rather not go travelling without him normally. Obviously this journey was a strong exception."

"I would not expect you to leave your son behind, just as I know you would not expect me to leave my daughter behind."

Those words stopped the miko short, and she blinked again, before smiling, a slow, gentle smile that lit up her features. His _daughter_. Never before had she heard him refer to Rin as such, although she had known that that was the nature of their relationship. It was incredibly endearing to hear him actually vocalise that.

"He will be here soon. Surround yourself with the strongest barrier you can summon. Stay where you are and look calm."

Kagome followed his orders to the letter, reaching inside of her to the fount of energy that was begging to be released, and put up a spherical barrier around herself. Then she carefully schooled her features, taking the fear and worry and sadness and locking them away, leaving only the trust and confidence.

One of the first things Sesshomaru had made her learn was how to keep a poker face on, so to speak, and to change her physical reactions to better suit the situation. It was easier to beat someone if they expected you to be frightened and instead you were calm and confident looking, regardless of how you actually felt about the situation. It was also easier to put someone off-balance when they expected sadness and saw anger, or expected ecstatic joy and saw calm triumph.

Sure enough, just as soon as she had finished doing that. InuYasha burst into the clearing, his sclera glowing red, claws out, growling ferally and savagely. Sesshomaru, in contrast, was standing still in front of his half-brother, his golden eyes filled with disdain as he spoke in an even more emotionless voice than he normally used. "You would sink so low as to threaten a woman simply because she refused your advances, InuYasha? I had not realised you were such a crude beast."

Those crimson eyes flicked from Sesshomaru to Kagome, and InuYasha faltered for a moment, giving Sesshomaru the opportunity he needed. Immediately the youkai dashed forward, pulling out Bakusaiga and slamming the hilt into the base of InuYasha's skull. The blue irises of InuYasha's eyes rolled upwards before his eyes closed and he crumpled to the ground, the jagged stripes crossing his cheeks slowly fading away.

"Hn. When he awakens he should be back to normal. I will stand by so that if he changes again he can be taken care of before he harms you."

Kagome breathed a sigh of relief and let her barrier down, allowing her carefully controlled features to go back to normal. "Wow, that was rather anticlimactic. Not that I mind, but I was expecting InuYasha to attack you before you got a chance to say anything."

"He was not expecting to see me protecting you."

"Yeah, probably not. Hopefully when he wakes up I can get a chance to explain myself to him and make sure he knows that I still want to be friends."

She looked away a bit sadly, not sad for herself but for the pain that one of her best friends was experiencing. "I just can't give him more than friendship, and I haven't been able to for a very long time."

"How long?"

The curiosity in his voice was barely suppressed, and Kagome wondered why it was so important to Sesshomaru, that he would let his control slip so, but only for a brief moment, before answering him.

"Several months before our alliance with you. I don't know exactly when I decided that I should just be friends with him, but since you travelled together with us for nearly a year, and it's been almost a year since the defeat of Naraku... I'd say over two years. Maybe around two and a half? Something like that."

It was then that InuYasha began to wake up, groaning and holding the back of his head with an eloquent, "Ow. Shit."

Then he sat up and stared at the scene in front of him, Sesshomaru standing steadfast and resolute in front of Kagome, who looked concerned. He knew that look, and knew that the concern wasn't for herself, but for him, and frowned. Why on earth should she be concerned for him? She wasn't the one who had gone stark raving mad and attacked his best friend.

"Don't gimme that look, wench. I don't deserve it."

She wrinkled her nose up in that adorable manner he enjoyed so much, and "humph"ed, glaring at him. "Don't tell me what I can or can't do. You aren't the boss of me and you have no say over if I can feel bad for turning you down or not."

Kagome looked at the still cheerily burning fire, before looking back at InuYasha. "I'm sorry. I really am, but I can't give you what you're asking, and you don't want it anyways. You're just reaching out for me because it's expected. But you don't want **me**, not really. When you look at me, you don't see Higurashi Kagome, you see a shadow of Kikyo, you see what might have been and what could have been. I'm sorry if I led you on somehow, made you think that I felt more for you than friendship, but I don't. You're like an annoying, hilarious, protective older brother to me, and my best friend, but if I ever loved you in the way you are asking me to, I stopped a very long time ago. Years, InuYasha."

"Keh..."

InuYasha didn't sound hurt now, just disappointed, and Kagome wondered if, once he had come back to himself, he had realised these things as well. He wasn't as stupid as people thought he was, just dense, after all. Plus he was likely putting a brave front on.

"You said there was someone else."

Kagome sighed heavily, and looked at the hanyou seated several feet away. "Who I fancy or have feelings for or am in love with is none of your business right now. Especially since nothing will come of it."

"And why the hell not?!"

InuYasha looked annoyed and pissed off, and he was met with another glare from Kagome. "I'm not telling you "why the hell not" because it should be obvious on both counts. I've no choice who I fall for and it's no one's business but my own what I choose to do about my feelings."

The hanyou's expression turned to one of surprise, as if he hadn't expected her to get so intense about the situation, before something clicked, and he looked up at Sesshomaru, who was watching the two of them with the slightest trace of amusement lining his features. InuYasha could only tell that his half-brother was amused because of the scent accompanying the amusement, however, unlike Kagome, who saw it in his stance and his eyes and the barely-there quirk of his lips.

"You _**didn't**_."

Kagome's refusal to met his eyes told him everything he needed to know, despite her bland response of, "It is none of your business if I did or did not."

The two of them had, over the years, learned how to talk about sensitive subjects without betraying what the subject was, often relying on body language and opaque looks and (in InuYasha's case) changes in scent to do so.

"Nothing? You're not even going to try?"

"Why should I? We both know how well that'll turn out. Things are best staying how they are."

"You don't know for sure, Kagome."

It seemed that once he had faced the truth, InuYasha was adapting quickly to the situation, and Kagome was a bit surprised at how forcefully he was pushing the subject until she realised that even if it wasn't with him, he still wanted her to have someone and be happy. That he was probably using the energy that he was creating his brave and sensible outlook with to push the subject before it hurt too much to do anything but run.

"No, but I don't want to risk ruining what I have. Things have been made clear before and I refuse to show disrespect for that."

InuYasha shot his friend an annoyed glare. She was being an idiot. Or a coward. Or both. "That was like, three YEARS ago. So much has changed since then, Kagome. No one stays the same for their entire lives. Take Rin for example."

Damn. He had her there. When she first met Sesshomaru he wouldn't have spent even a second on the idea of having a human around him, and now he had a human daughter that he let travel with him nearly constantly. Kagome wasn't worried about the particular example he used setting Sesshomaru on the scent of their conversation though, because, well, he already knew. She had no doubt that InuYasha's caution was completely uncalled for because Sesshomaru-sama was following every single look, change in scent, word, change in tone, and reading all the in-between stuff that someone who didn't know them incredibly damn well would be blind to.

"Enough, InuYasha. Okay. I have all but said it outright to his face, and it is no longer in my hands. I refuse to push things, I refuse to show disrespect, and I refuse to get my hopes up. Once I do that it takes ages to pull them back down and I have better things to spend my time on than daydreaming things that could very likely be completely impossible."

Silence stretched between them for an unbearably long time, before exasperated eyes rolled and he responded. "Keh. Fine."

InuYasha stood up then, dusting off the hakama of his fire-rat robes, "I'm sorry about earlier. You should probably get some rest. Should I bring Shippo by or tell him you'll be back in a couple days?"

"I've agreed to travel with Sesshomaru-sama in return for his intervention, so please bring Shippo by when you can. You're forgiven, InuYasha, and thank you very much for understanding. Friends still?"

"Yeah, yeah, of course."

Then he was off, jumping into a tree and returning from whence he came, leaving behind a shaking Kagome. Tears filled her eyes after she was sure that he was far away enough not to smell them, and she hiccuped, rubbing the salt water away before it could trail down her face. Things wouldn't be the same between them for a while. Yeah, he had taken it exceptionally well, but she knew just how much of that was a front, she knew that it might be months before she saw him again because despite him acknowledging she was right, he had still expected things. It would be a long time before he was really honestly okay with the way things had turned out, especially knowing that she was in love with his half-brother, of all people.

Sesshomaru was crouched in front of her now, looking at her with slight confusion. She responded to his likely query before he had a chance to say anything. "He's not okay. I know you could tell, and I know I acted like I couldn't, but I know him well enough that I could tell. It was just a front, a distraction, and now I won't see him for months. Nothing's ever gonna be the same between us again. Something is always going to be different. Even once he's really over it and content with how things turned out."

"Hn. At least you will not be alone."

That was true. She had Shippo, Rin, Jaken, Ah-Un, and, most importantly, Sesshomaru. Even if just as a friend, she had Sesshomaru by her side. And he, more than anyone, understood who Higurashi Kagome really was. They had been through so much together, and he knew her inside and out because unlike InuYasha he was not willing to ignore that a smile she wore was fake or that \ she had been crying recently, or that her concentration was shot, or that her scent was laced with worry.

To be honest that was why she had fallen for him in the first place. He called her on her bullshit. He refused to ignore the truth in order to save her pride or keep things calm and stable, because he knew that things weren't ever really going to be stable if the core member of the group was silently falling apart. And no matter how much it meant lowering himself, he listened when she began to talk.

Sesshomaru had turned out to be a great listener, even if he didn't often give advice or almost **ever** say comforting things. He was straightforward and blunt with his advice, and refused to go easy on her just because she was feeling fragile. Instead he often worked her harder, forcing her to face what was bothering her and making her learn to overcome the small things. He had seen more of her tears than every other member of their group and her mother combined. Although, as often as not, those tears were from physical things as they were emotional, especially during that first month of training.

That thought brought her back to the present, and Kagome sniffled a bit, nodding as she wiped the last vestiges of her tears away and gave the daiyoukai a shaky smile. "Yeah, you're right. Thanks."

"Hn."

She laughed softly at that, shaking her head as she stretched and yawned. "Don't you know how to say anything else?" She was teasing, of course, but it had been a frequent complaint in the beginning of their friendship. He had just given her a _**look**_. One that spoke volumes, saying things like "_I refuse to change who I am to suit your __absurd __human __ideals._"

Eventually she began to appreciate his lack of a wordy response. Somehow, his silences and soft acknowledgements began to become more important to her than the long responses she got from other people. Slowly, she began to read the look in his eyes, the expression on his face, the stance of his body, the tone of his voice. All subtle, barely-there things, but fighting with someone on a regular, frequent basis taught you an awful lot about them, and she felt like her training had helped her accomplish what many thought to be impossible: gaining an understanding of Sesshomaru's true character.

Of course, she also felt that it had given **him** a better understanding of **her** as well. _He's probably very close with the person who trained him, if they're still alive. _

"Sometimes words are inadequate."

"Huh?" His words jolted her from her train of thought. Inadequate? Wha? What was he talking about?

Suddenly warm lips covered hers, and she gasped, a whimper escaping her mouth. Dreaming. She was dreaming, she had to be. She had fallen asleep or passed out from the relief and was having a horrible, wonderful dream right now. She could cry again, it felt so real, but then those soft lips pulled away and she was pushed back onto the bedroll, confusion filling her features.

"We will talk when you have slept, Kagome. I will say, however, that sometimes it is acceptable to get your hopes up, and this is one of those times."

How could she sleep if she was already dreaming? A yawn escaped her mouth, though, and once a fire-warmed fur pelt was pulled over her, her eyes drifted closed, memories of that all-too-short kiss replaying over and over again as she drifted off into a deep sleep.

* * *

><p>The dreams she had were fleeting and unfocused, bits and pieces of various memories, wavering emotions, and brilliant patterns and colours. She awoke at one point to hear InuYasha talking to Sesshomaru about something, as Shippo ran to her and promptly burrowed into the furs with her. His presence gave her a sense of content belonging as she held her adopted son close to her, before immediately falling asleep once more.<p>

Kagome slept all through the following day and well into the night as well, finally waking up several hours before dawn. Shippo was in her bedroll still (_actually, probably more like __**again**__, __considering how long I must have slept_) and she gingerly slid out, placing the furs that she had used for a pillow next to him in her place. She had slept well and felt completely rested – both physically and mentally, although that odd first dream she had had kept replaying in her mind. _Damn, it'll be a while before I recover from that dream. They've never felt so real before._

Of course she had had dreams about being in a relationship with Sesshomaru, what smitten young woman wouldn't dream of the person she loved? However, that had felt much less like a dream and much more like something that actually happened. But it was just so out of character for the youkai lord that she knew to do something like that. Especially when there had never even been the slightest hint that he could possibly return her feelings.

She sighed and stood up, going to the wooden barrel and using the ladle to splash her face with water, the cold liquid making her shiver a bit. There was a pot hanging over the fire and she hummed softly as she walked over and looked into it, finding that a fish stew was bubbling inside the metal pot. Her eyes cast about for a bowl when without warning, one was thrust close to her face. Luckily she had been trained to keep quiet when shocked or surprised like that, but her hands still instinctively clapped over her mouth before she relaxed, recognising Sesshomaru's clawed hand from the crimson stripes on his wrists.

"Sorry, I wasn't expecting that. Thank you."

He nodded shortly, then handed her a ladle and spoon. She made quick use of the objects, ladling stew into the bowl and settling down against a boulder that was near the fire. It was a surprise when Sesshomaru sat down next to her, silently staring at the fire almost as if he had something on his mind and was trying to decide whether or not to say anything.

Again her thoughts fluttered back to that dream and she forced the memory of it down, biting her lip a bit as if doing so would help to make her remember that it was impossible for it to have been anything but a dream. _It was just a dream, Kagome. Stop this foolishness at once. It will be impossibly difficult for you to travel with him if you keep hoping that your feelings are returned._

She stirred the stew absently as silence filled the air, before lifting the spoon up to her lips and politely sipping at the broth with a content noise. Oh it was delicious, and just what she needed. She focused solely on eating and not on the comforting presence of her friend beside her, until, halfway through the bowl, his silken voice filled the clearing.

"I was on my way to ask if you and your kit would travel with me when you arrived."

_...What? What has that got to do with anything? _

She looked over at him, his body relaxed as ever, but not truly so. It was more as if he was controlling his posture the way he had had her control her features the previous night. But why on earth would he be tense? Things were making less sense by the second, she thought, as she placed the bowl on the ground and turned her full attention to him.

"Why is that, Sesshomaru-sama?"

"Because visiting with Rin on her 'playdates' with Shippo is not enough any more. I have grown more unsettled the longer I have been without your presence. I miss our training sessions, I miss the conversations, I miss your smile. I find myself feeling your lack more keenly than I have ever felt anything before, and only now has it become strong enough that I decided my pride was not worth missing you."

_Okay Kagome, calm down, stay calm, that was **not** a confession, that was just... just a... a... oh Kami Sesshomaru is confessing that he has feelings for me what the hell am I dreaming again because if I am I am going to **murder** my subconscious!_

"Um... Uh..."

He chuckled (_his laugh is every bit as sexy as I thought it would be_) at her nonsense response and stroked a clawed hand through her long hair and down her neck. "Usually it is I who has little to say to your wordiness. I am not certain I like this turn of events. Does one not usually respond to a confession such as I gave?"

Kagome stared blankly at him, her mouth slightly open, her eyes wide with shock. Okay, she had to.. something. Her brain was breaking more with each second that passed, fleeting thoughts passing through her head in a random and nonsensical manner. Maybe it hadn't been a dream. Maybe this wasn't a dream. She had pushed her hopes down for so long that now that what she wanted most in the world was happening, she wasn't sure exactly how to react.

So, she did the first thing that came to mind, and blurted out, "You mean it wasn't a dream?" with a tinge of hysteria in her voice.

Sesshomaru chuckled once more, a soft smile lighting his features up. "If you are referring to the kiss, then no, it was not a dream, Kagome."

"But- I- Wha- **I'm human!**"

"Of that I am well aware. It has simply stopped mattering to me."

A stunned silence met that, and Sesshomaru traced a claw along her jaw. "It has been almost a year since the defeat of Naraku, and nearly another since we began to travel the path to friendship and more. Time changes all, Kagome. Time, fearless little girls, and frightened young women from the future. If I can tolerate my hanyou brother, adopt a ningen child, and be friends with a ningen, then why should I not also be able to love a ningen?"

He dropped his hand to her shoulder, brushing ebony strands off of it. "Granted, I was not intending on informing you of my attachment until you so kindly informed me of your own. I had not realised that you might still be feeling more than friendship for me after such a long time of only brief visits."

She laughed now, a sad sound. "Absence makes the heart grow fonder. It's a saying in my time that I have found to be unpleasantly true."

Sesshomaru seemed to have no response to that, so she ventured a question. "Why... Why now? Why not later? We're gonna be travelling together for the foreseeable future, so why..." A pale, slender hand waved around in the air without pattern. "Why _then _and why** now**?"

"I can not bear the thought of causing you heartache. My own was bad enough – you have loved, or at the very least admitted you loved, for longer and through more trauma than I have. I simply decided that I had best remedy your pain as quickly as I could, once it was made clear that your feelings for me had not lessened or changed. Once your conversation with InuYasha made it clear that your feelings run as deep as mine."

Sesshomaru sighed minutely at that. "Inu youkai are fiercely loyal once they open their hearts. My father and mother were a political mating, not one of love. When he picked up that ningen princess the general emotions felt by us were annoyance and anger at being immediately abandoned, not true hatred or sadness. I have never despised my brother for any reason other than that his inheritance meant, to me anyhow, that our Father favoured him over me, and that he was a cross-breed. Obviously those things have become unimportant to me over time. Once I determined that the things I felt for you were not simply a passing infatuation..."

He looked at her intently, tracing his clawed thumb along the side of her face and across her jaw. "There is no cure for love, and the attachment that has come from our friendship is nigh unbreakable now. One cannot always choose whom they love, but I will say that if it had to be anyone, I am glad it was you I fell for. You, whom I taught and helped shape into a powerful, independent woman. Who knows me so well. Who cares not for the trappings of my status, cares not that I am a powerful youkai or the Lord of the Western Lands. Who only sees this Sesshomaru, rather than the daiyoukai with acid claws."

She was breathing shakily now, in complete awe at the magnitude and force and quantity of his words. It wasn't long until she reached a hand out to stroke the smooth stripes adorning his cheeks. "I love Sesshomaru, the youkai who protected me and trained me and changed me from a selfish, childish girl and into a mature, giving person. I love you, more than anything in the world. I have for longer than I care to admit. I.. I never..."

Tears were streaming down her cheeks now, only these were from pure, unadulterated joy. "I never thought I had a chance. You're so far above me, like the moon represented on your forehead. So pristine and pure and unreachable. I can't.. I'm still half-afraid I'm dreaming–"

Here she was interrupted, as a pair of strong arms wrapped around her waist and slid her into his lap, his mokomoko-sama wrapping around her and practically pinning her back to his chest. "This is not a dream, and you must understand that by accepting my love, you will never **ever** get rid of me."

"I know."

The words were soft, whispered, but filled with every ounce of love she had for him. "I want forever with you, Sesshomaru."

"Then you shall have it, Kagome."

And she did.


End file.
